Tuesday, November 19, 2002
Clueless Watch

Today I learned that like the rest of our most vocal warmongers, Andrew Sullivan (R) hasn’t a clue as to what the military is really like.

Among today’s treasure trove of ridiculous assertions and half-baked contentions, Andy includes this:

“Nevertheless, big, brawny straight guys - in the military no less! - scream like six year olds the minute they suspect a gay guy might find them sexy.”

Do you see the assumption at work here?

To Andy, the U.S. military is filled is “big, brawny straight guys.” Yes, I know Andy knows, as we all do, that there are plenty of gay men (and straight and gay women) in the military, but looking at this piece apart from the gays in the military argument, the operative words are big and brawny.

I’m sure thinking this does much for Andy’s psyche, including allowing him to believe the soldiers and sailors in America’s “citizen army”--the military our most insufferable resident alien has asserted are in uniform to do his bidding and who gives a flying fuck what they think--are all big, brawny, mature, and brave.

Sorry, chap, but it doesn’t work that way.

Your image, Andy, is an illusion, a misconception, a lie, a fantasy--take your pick--and it is based on ignorance, willful ignorance, and a glaringly obvious detachment from the realities of the U.S. military.

So, Andy, I recommend you do some research. You can do it in the field if you like, or on the web, but take a good hard look at the men and women in the armed services today. You’ll be surprised, because along with the big and the brawny and the mature and the brave, you will see the small and the skinny and the young and the pimply and the scared shitless.

These, dear “Brit abroad,” are the American kids--literally, kids--that you are so eager to send to a possible early death while you safely cruise around Provincetown on that tired-ass bicycle of yours in search of bagels, coffee, and the morning paper, taking breaks for visits to the gym and walks of the beagle, all the while feeling strong and tough and mean and principled.

Sleep well, Queen’s subject. I have no doubt you do, but I’m convinced it’s a sound slumber you have done nothing to earn.


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